I’ve been waiting for motherhood for nearly four years. I’m still waiting to be part of that club. It’s not an easy wait.
That’s the hardest part about trying to conceive (TTC), you have to wait for it to happen.
When you’ve experienced pregnancy loss or infertility, this is the question that rings in your head at the beginning of every new year.
Less than a month after my son was stillborn, I was asked this question again. And it nearly broke me. My mind went whirling as I tried to quickly and simultaneously figure out what to say and how to not burst into hardcore sobbing.
Since my son’s was stillborn, ten of my friends have announced pregnancies. Many of them have told me that they feel bad that they are pregnant and I’m not, that they feel guilty about how unfair it is that they are getting a baby or another baby before I get a living one. This is my letter to those beautiful mamas.
It’s been two months since my son was stillborn. My heart simultaneously sings with joy, breaks with grief, and flares in jealous angst when I see a pregnant woman.