It’s often said that every pregnancy is different. In the same way, every pregnancy loss is different. How do you grieve for a person that you never met? A person who doesn’t have a birthday? A person who doesn’t have a name?
This day last year was the first of the two worst days of my life. It’s been a year and I thought it might be healing for me and helpful for others to hear my story. Many women share their birth stories. Mine however, is a stillbirth story. It’s a birth story without the happy ending.
Child loss is a horrible experience. It can happen at any age. From during pregnancy to when a child becomes an adult, parents will always grieve the death of their child. Here are some simple ways you can support bereaved parents in your life.
Every time a person loses a pregnancy, she loses that child. And when she doesn’t have any living children, she also loses the dream of being a mother.
My birthday was a helpful reminder for me to look for the little joys in my everyday. Even when my grief gets me down, if I look I can find those good things.
Less than a month after my son was stillborn, I was asked this question again. And it nearly broke me. My mind went whirling as I tried to quickly and simultaneously figure out what to say and how to not burst into hardcore sobbing.
I’ve heard the consolation “at least you know you can get pregnant” many times. Here’s why it’s not helpful but actually quite hurtful and what to say instead.
Since my son’s was stillborn, ten of my friends have announced pregnancies. Many of them have told me that they feel bad that they are pregnant and I’m not, that they feel guilty about how unfair it is that they are getting a baby or another baby before I get a living one. This is my letter to those beautiful mamas.
Pregnancy loss is not fair. Your baby died. It’s okay to be angry about that.
You’re a mama, whether or not your baby is on earth or in heaven. This year, I’m choosing hope. Hope for joy, for life, and for the mamas around me.
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